Wow... what a weird night. Come to think of it... a crazy day all round.

It started off as such a nice day. It was cool outside for once. I didn't get woken up by an alarm or excessive heat and I was finally starting to feel human and alert again. It's been ages since i've had a great nights sleep. I woke up late and cleaned my room a bit. It doesn't look like a construction site anymore... just a little untidy. Some washing here, some breakfast there... cruisy.

Then my Mum rings me at home and says that she's just quit her job. *heart sinks* She has been working at our Church as the Treasurer and seemed to have a little stress to begin with and I thought everything was going ok. But then I thought about it for a little while and decided that maybe she was in way over her head to begin with. It is a big job to do, especially if the only kind of tresurer-type work you have done is for another Church one tenth of this one's size. Then I thought about a few other things happening in her life.... namely the rest of the family (Dad, Mum & lil bro) have recently moved down here from Tieri, Central Qld. Quite a big change. Moving away from the 'comfort zone' and long-time friends. Plenty of different things that produce stress in life were happening to her.

The thing that i'm most concerned about though, is the fact that she has been drinking a bit too much lately. She blames the stress for it, but I think I can see mild substance abuse when it rears its ugly and offensive head. She said the main reason that she quit her job was that she didn't have enough exposure to other people in her position but I can't help thinking that it was just too hard to do the work with a hangover. It really upsets me and I find it quite hard to talk about, but she has had small problems with this in the past. It's only now that I am older and have seen various other cases of substance abuse that I can fully appreciate the situation. 

I don't know what to do. A few years ago when I had a problem with another substance, the last thing I wanted was for Mum and Dad to be harping on about how it was bad for me and that I should give it up. It only got me angry and I simply avoided them more. If I had a problem, I was going to realise it and fix it myself. I don't even know if I can talk to Dad about it. I wonder if he knows? If he doesn't, how will he react? I really love my Mum. If I talk to her about it, could she become ashamed? I know that, when I was finally honest with myself, that was the real reason I didn't want my family talking to me about my problems.

I guess all I should do for now, until I am sure about things, is pray for her and ask other trusted friends to do the same.

After all that, I decided to go out and do a few things that needed doing.

I went to the paint shop to get paint strainers for tomorrow. "You can only get them in boxes of 100" he says. Funny... I seem to remember getting 20 of them here last time. "Nahhh mate. We don't break up the boxes. Are you sure you got them here?" So I ask him if he knows another paint shop where I can get what I want? He almost immediately changes his mind and offers to sell me some anyway. I say I'll take 20 and count 20 out of the box. He says "They're 30 cents each." "Excellent. I'll take them." It's funny how 30 cents times 20 equals $6.00 neat, but when he runs it through the computer, it adds up to $5.95. Just like last time. I am happy and thankful that I didn't have to go elsewhere for paint-goods. I let him know and leave.

On the way to Sunshine Plaza, I witness an accident happen almost right next to me. There were pedestrians close-by who would have seen it much clearer than I did so I don't stop to offer myself as a witness. This kind of spins me out. I've always wanted to see a car accident and now that I had, I began to wish that I hadn't. It got me thinking about all kinds of things like death and insurance companies. I decided I could deal with death much better than I could with insurance companies.

At the Plaza, it was my mission to find something nice to wear for my mates wedding on Saturday morning. 7:30am. AM! Damn surfies. I've known Kristi since I was 8 and Cameron for about 18 months now. I can't wait till Saturday. It's going to be so awesome and beautiful. Photos posted by late Sunday! Promise! Anyways... back to my mission....

I spent the best part of the first three hours there, looking at crappy shirts and jeans. "Not me" *toss*, "Gay" *toss*, "too old-manish" *toss* "too expensive" "cool but satanic looking" "nice graphic but I think that's a naked torso in the background" "Average average average average average......" 
Along the way I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a while, as well as about 3 bus loads worth of Goths and hardcore Punkers roaming around the place. While in Target, one pair of wannabe punk girls seemed to be acting out some sort of weirdo thing that happened to them earlier that day and wanted me to be a part of their flipped out play in the middle of the Audio-Visual department. No thanks! I was on a mission! After trying on a pair of $25 camo-pants that had back pockets that made my 'coin slot' look two inches wide and a groovy shirt that I found to have a naked female torso hidden in the large frontal graphic, I left to attack several more stores before coming to Roger David. 

This place is usually heaps expensive, but today it was bargains galore. I went to town, assaulting almost every rack in the store. It was fun. There were lots of funky clothes there. "Why the heck didn't I come here 2 or 3 hours ago?!?!" I thought. After buying a few t-shirts, I left to get a coffee and make a final decision on a few other things I was thinking of buying from there. On the way back, I checked two others stores to see if I was missing out on anything. I wasn't so I went back upstairs to get a few more things from RD's. I was in the change rooms with a pair of jeans halfway on when I realised I didn't have the bag with the t-shirts I'd just brought, watch I had to get fixed and my friends digital camera in my possession. I unintentionally kicked the wall (which made a loud noise), got dressed and sprinted out of the store, yelling that I'd be right back. 

I started to panic. I looked in the two stores I had been in just previous. No joy there. My friend was working at one of them and could see I was clearly distressed and looking for something. She tried to help but the bag just wasn't to be seen. What was I going to do if I lost my friend's camera? I couldn't afford to replace it straight away. No chance. And my watch? I really liked that watch! Not to mention the three crisp new t-shirts in there as well! I walked briskly and eventually found myself running around the centre, looking for the dodgy bugger who nicked my bag. I asked at both the customer service desks and reported the alleged theft at the Police Beat. My heart was beating at a googol a minute. My head was about to explode. I was having a panic attack.

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even construct a proper sentence. What the dickens was I going to do? I didn't even remember to pray. I sighed a defeated sigh and dawdled back to Roger David, hoping they would be somewhat sympathetic to my stupidity and give me a bit of a discount on the rest of the stuff I wanted to buy. Well surprise SURPRISE!

There, sitting next to the counter, was my bag. With everything still inside. Someone had returned it to the store while I was out running about almost having a heart-attack. I couldn't be bothered choosing what items I wanted and didn't want. I purchased all of them and left. I was also running late by this stage to be looking after my 9yr old brother, but that was taken care of. 

While walking to the car, I realised just how magnificently lucky I was to have all my stuff back and I thanked the Lord accordingly. It had been a long time since I'd had a panic or anxiety attack. Almost two years. Usually when I have a panic attack, I crave a cigarette or want several alcoholic beverages to calm me down, but this time that was not the case. I sat in the car, thought about a lot of things that have been happening lately and a great peace came over me. I was finally starting to really see God looking after me in several areas of my life. IT Job prospects, current cash-flow, personal relationships, etc.. I had begun to lay things before him that I was too proud or stubborn to do before and he seemed to be rewarding me. 

Why was I so scared to let Him take control? I don't know. I knew he would never let me down like I could myself. I just never really KNEW it. I grew up in a Christian home and had a lot of knowledge about the Bible, but it never seemed to be real to me. It wasn't like everyone said it should be. This was all changing and it was GREAT. I have a long way to go, but I'm not scared anymore. Not of Him, or my non-Christian friends who wont understand, or of anything. I don't have to be. God is in control now and His plan is Perfect.

Looking after my bro was fun... he was asking me all about the big scar I have between my sternum and belly button. That took my mind off being flipped out and feeling like a scatter-brain. I sent about 10 text messages to people, just wanting someone to talk to, but everyone seemed to be busy. Oh well. Shelley and Katy-B came on MSN after a while and I chatted to them for a while. Shelley suggested I go for a run in the rain or have a hot bath. I had a long shower instead, had some ice-cream, KT-B prayed for me and I was feeling much better in no time.

The moral of the story is... Trust in the Lord for all things and you will be given the desires of your heart. Jesus is way cool.

Now that I've ruined last night's great sleep I had... I'm off to bed-ski.

"Yaaayyyy! Sleep! That's where I get to be a Viking!"